I wasn’t neglecting you, i’m back.

So, i guess i’ve been neglecting my blog. Not intentionnal, just, my head’s getting to me these days. It’s hard trying to pick up from where you left, it’s impossible. It’s so overwhelming..I’ve got to re-learn my whole chemistry and math year, in only 20 days…yeah, well that’s not gonna be possible..Hello failing exams. Yeah, i’ve got my teachers helping me out, but you’d need a friggen miracle worker to get all the stuff in my head in that much short time.

Anyway, so, my dad decided to leave my step-mom again, (like second time in a week frigg). And i’ve been on the phone with her all week until 3 in the morning..I’m absoloutely exhausted. Thing is, she’s into a relapse right now, back on crack..depressed..she had 2 suicide attempts this week, i -have- to stay on the phone with her, cause it might be the last time i talk to her. Anyway, so she called me yesterday, and said that my dad is brining her to rehab..Like okay, what the hell happend? I mean, congrats on rehab, but wtf, you guys are talking now? You’re all cool? All smiles and laughter??? What the hell!! None of them told me they were okay now. Wich is, ofcourse not expected from my father, cause he completely avoided me and shut me out all week, but my step-mom, i mean, i’m exhausted cause i was there for her..But doesn’t bother telling me when things are alright?? You can’t just -use- me like that. You can’t just come to me when shit hits the fan, then just completly push me away when things are good again. Fucken right i’m insulted. Fucken family, they always only think abou themselves. Do they think this isin’t getting to me? I -just- got out of the phsychiatric hostpital for suicide and self-harm..Do you think i’m stable?? OF COURSE I’M NOT!!!!!

URGH. Moving on. So, the anti-depressants are completely stealing me from myself. Understand it if you will, but it’s horrifying. I’m not who i am anymore..Theres no more sparkle in my eyes..I can’t feel anything..Not even hapiness..Atleast, when i wasn’t on medication, i could have those rare moments where i’d catch myself smilling..But now?? It’s more fake than ever. Oh my gosh,  once i start ranting, i never stop.

Anyway, i’m sick and home from school, so i guess i better go for a snooze or something relaxing.

‘Till the next rant,